Self Worth & Shopping

One of the things that has come out of my going to counselling is my almost subconscious tendency to not buy myself nice things, or not to use them when I have them. There's something about self worth in there - I seem to have it drilled into me that what I want doesn't matter. There's something about perfectionism and not wanting to ruin or waste things by using them in the wrong way, making terrible inedible supper, or wasting fabric on a dress that turns out unwearable. Often I won't even start things because I'm too put off by the thought of it not being right or good enough.
Sometimes I don't buy things because I can't find an option that's as cheap as I've somehow got it into my head that it should be. This ends up with situations like having no waterproof shoes, an ancient phone, or no batteries for my bike lights. I'll hold out for a cheaper price or better deal and deny myself until I get it, possibly substituting cheap alternatives in the meanwhile, or opting for something I don't really want.
I do it in clothes shops, in the supermarket, in coffee shops, on the internet. Take me out for coffee and I'll get a filter or americano, and whatever strikes me as the cake with the best price/size ratio. Which is obviously stupid, having coffee and cake in the first place is being indulgent so I may as well pay another 40p and get a latte if I want one, or the flapjack with chocolate on. My reliance on my perception of value is reinforced by not *knowing* what I want,  and vice versa. As I'm not used to what I want being the deciding factor I stop listening to what I want and on it goes.
It's uncomfortable to think about how I deny myself and often make things more complicated by doing all this, but the outcome is very positive - my counsellor told me my homework was to buy myself nice things!
Now of course this isn't as easy as it sounds, otherwise I wouldn't have been told to do it. I have to fight my instincts to buy the cheaper option or the reductions (often the caveat when I have nice things), and just listen to what I want and BUY IT. It'll be more expensive, yes, but where do you draw the line? Rationally I know I need to treat myself because I don't not deserve it, now I need to believe that.

Fancy pie... reduced.

I went to the supermarket earlier feeling suitably empowered, and I did it. I bought a butternut squash just because, I felt like crumpets so I bought crumpets, I got the really nice tomatoes.
I did fall down on a few things - I wanted squash soup but bought tomato & basil because it was on offer, I prefer baked crisps but bought the "light" ones that were reduced. But it's a start, and I'm going to enjoy the nice things I've bought and not feel guilty if I end up "wasting" something in a stew that's less than delicious.
On the other hand I'll still use it all efficiently. I won't end up throwing away a whole bag of mouldy tomatoes but if one or two go bad I won't kick myself too hard. I'm not throwing away my attitude to food and shopping and going for the polar opposite, yet again it's all about balance.
Wish me luck?

Pattern Lusting & Purchasing

The rather talented Tilly of Tilly And The Buttons is having a fabric giveaway from Fancy Moon which has lead me to discover their site, and they do all sorts of amazing patterns; Eiffel Towers, letters & stamps, cute animals, kitschy flowers & cute polka dots!
My favourites were Poppies by Alexander Henry and Gardenia Blue by Henry Glass.

The Poppies remind me of my blog background at dichohecho.blogspot.com and would be pretty flattering for clothes as it's on a black background, and Gardenia Blue reminds me of my Grandmother's amazing wallpaper. I need to take a photo or two next time I visit since some of it is truly amazing.I seem to have a bit of a yearning for retro patterns at the moment. I've always loved classic chintzy florals but more modern things are catching my eye too.

This cardigan and it's similarly patterned shirt & vest relatives caught my eye in H&M the other day.

Visit hm.com

As well as an extremely cute cardigan with birds flying about on it (white on blue or black on pale pink) which sadly wasn't quite right in a 14 and isn't available in a 16 (because it's in the "Divided" range, and everyone knows that young people aren't size 16 or above...)

I did however buy this:

Visit hm.com

As I'm forever finding that plain t-shirts are too plain or add an unwanted extra colour to an outfit. Being neutral but slightly interesting, this should fit in pretty well. I'm still a bit unsure about the colour though, so I haven't worn it yet.
This on the other hand is a definite winner, even if it is a bit thinner than it looks here. It fits in nicely with the general navyness of my wardrobe & I do like a 3/4 length sleeve!

Visit hm.com 

I very much liked this scarf in Zara (bunnies!*) but I restrained myself since it's still £7.99 and I own loads of scarves already!

Oh dear, I'm a terrible materialist. Must. Stop. Buying.

*clearly not hares

Buy Nothing New Month

So apparently October is Buy Nothing New Month, so say the Salvation Army in Australia*. As a student and someone who isn't good at lasting will power & self control I feel this might be a good thing for me to try. The idea is to go for the whole month of October without buying anything new aside from the necessities (food, medication, "feminine hygiene products"). This is a little like the no-new-clothes months which people like Lauren at Blooming Leopold have inflicted on themselves, only a little stricter.
Now one of the problems I have is charity shop shopping (the others being eBay and sales), which isn't banned under this. I seem to mentally not count any charity shop purchases, which is decidedly unhealthy I think, especially given the wonderful cluster of them on my route to and from lectures... Therefore anything I *do* buy from a charity shop/car boot sale/friend/eBay during the month of October will be appearing on this blog. I wouldn't have much to document otherwise, would I?
So today is the twenty-fifth of September, that's 5 days left before the shopping diet kicks in...


Topshop knickers are a particular weakness, can you tell I used to sell Lingerie?

*I know I'm not in Australia but it's still a good idea :)